Words On Wednesday

Wednesday (3)

I have Aspergers, and for the most part, living with it does not really bother me but recently I have found myself feeling a bit isolated, especially in work.  Normally, I am quite happy to keep myself to myself and I actually prefer my own company or interaction with just a few select friends but recently I have been wanting to be part of the “crowd”.

With my Aspergers, I find it hard to have conversations and make friends, I never really know what to say or how to keep a conversation going, half the time my mind goes blank and there are awkward silences or I say things that are out of context, or I just feel really awkward and self-conscious.  On top of that, too much interaction can leave me feeling a bit exhausted and overwhelmed and I need time to process my thoughts and feelings.

I have been having these internal conflicts in my head, I feel that I want to talk and add things to conversations but at the same time, I have no real idea of what to say or anything.

Because of this, I very rarely get involved in conversations, especially in work, and now I’m starting to feel a bit isolated.  I don’t really sit near enough to anyone to just chit-chat over the computer monitors and would need to leave my desk to go and chat or have to raise my voice to be heard.  I’m pretty conscious that I have work to do and don’t want to be seen walking around and chatting, nor do I want to disturb anyone by raising my voice, both are things that really irritate me about others.

I do listen when people are talking and do try to join in occasionally but sometimes I feel like I’m not being listened to which is something else that puts me off from joining in.  I have been working in the same office for the past 4 years with some of my colleagues and I feel that sometimes I just don’t get included in things because I don’t get so involved and that can hurt sometimes.

A lot of my colleagues are friends outside of work and see each other regularly, go out for nights out and all sorts of other things which, for me, are too overwhelming.  My anxiety, as well as my Aspergers, makes it hard for me to do these things as I am not keen on crowds or overly loud places.  I struggle if I go out to hear what others are saying or concentrate on what is being said as everything seems as loud as the next noise and can all blur into one deafening roar.  And I think that is partly why I don’t get asked to go places as I normally say I can’t go unless it is to somewhere that I know and that I can leave when I need to.

I know that I won’t always feel like this and that I’m really ok just going to work and doing my job and coming home again, that’s what I’m paid for, but sometimes I think it would be nice to be included in these chats that go on.

I am struggling a bit with this, and really wish I could explain to others how I feel.


18 thoughts on “Words On Wednesday

  1. Hi Suzi, I think you have explained how you are feeling really well here. I think it’s a good thing that you would like to be included. I fully understand that you need to do this on your own terms as you do not need to put yourself under any stress.
    I have few suggestions and these are only suggestions you will know what is right for you.
    1. Do you have a supervisor or do you know who is popular and does the organising of evening’s out. You could talk to them and explain how you feel.
    2. You could join them occasionally on a night out maybe for one drink and explain you may have to leave early and why.
    3. Perhaps take a friend with you until you feel ready to go on your own.
    4. Is there a communal area in the office where you can chat to the others.
    5. Do the others in the off know you have Asperger’s. You just need to break the ice and then ease yourself in to socializing.

    Just make plans if you join them so you can leave when you need. Let them know why they will understand and most likely be pleased for you to join in.
    You could always chat to them in your break time, about anything.
    You have set your thoughts out so well you could even let one of them see your post.
    Only do any of these things if you want to. These are only suggestions.
    The main thing is do it in your own time and on your own terms, don’t feel pressured.
    I hope some of this helps. 💜💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s so hard to feel left out in social situations. I know that your Aspergers makes it much more difficult, but I struggle with this too. Know you are definitely not alone in feeling this way! I don’t have much experience with adults on the spectrum, but I think recognizing this in yourself is a great first step. You’ve acknowledged your feelings and are wanting to change it up. Do you get to have lunch with your co-workers? I know you like to read during lunchtime, maybe that is a good time to reach out to one of the people and just have a small conversation? It might be less awkward than trying to enter a conversation that is happening in the office?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is. I find the workplace to be a pretty odd place sometimes, people seem to have their groups and it’s hard to become part of a group. There are so many of us that it is hard to go on lunch together and so many people do different things at lunch too. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I see. I totally understand the feeling of being isolated at work. I haven’t had a real job situation in so many years, but the jobs that I have had, it’s like me and no one else, so that isolation is real too. Even just in the fact that there are no other adults around to speak to. I think it’s easier like that sometimes because I didn’t feel left out of things, but I did feel set off to the side sometimes.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Could you start by asking just one or too for a coffee or lunch break or lunch-time shopping, say you’d like their opinion on something you might buy -I think people are flattered when their opinions are asked for?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow Suzi! This is me!!! I’ve gotten to a point that I feel so tense for being at work and had so much anxiety I’ve quit 6 jobs within a 1 year time frame! I myself suffer from Aspergers, and just felt so alone! I always tend to eat in the car by myself in lunch time whenever I find a job! Thank you soo much for sharing wish there was an asperger discussion group near me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That sounds like me in my last job! I feel left out in my current job but being able to listen to podcasts helps so much! I wish there was an aspergers discussion group near me too! Xxx


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